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Updated: Jun 4

The anti-hero, hero with maximum effort, Deadpool comes on the big screen.   An overly sarcastic punk masked man with red tights, tells us his love story which turns into a horror story smack in the middle of the story.

You see Wade never wanted to be a hero, so he became a for-hire assassin, and he was happy with that.

 Things were on the up and up when Wade met the female version of him in a stripper named Vanessa and it was almost a happily ever after, with a montage filled with funny yet raunchy sex scenes, but the ark was missing.  To break the happiness of the montage, Wade finds out that he has stage four cancer; meaning he is going to die soon.  Although Vanessa is not willing to leave him and she’s more than ready to stay with him through it all, Wade wants to leave because he does not want her to join him on the shittiest ride ever; the cancer ride.

As his cancer starts to show, some creepy guy finds Wade in his hang out spot and offers him an opportunity to cure him.  Wade tells the creepy guy to fuck off and leaves him at the table to pay for his drink.  As his symptoms get worst, Wade has a change of heart and calls the number that creepy guy gave him.

Wade enters a makeshift hospital and finds that the experiment is just a dosage of gene therapy to make someone mutate and a shit ton of torture to stress the body to the point of mutation.  As it turns out, some people make it, and some people don’t.  Sometimes a person will die before reaching the desired stress level.  Also, the type of mutation cannot be predicted.

Wade is a tough nut to crack and after several attempts he has yet to mutate.  So, he’s left in an oxygen-deprived tank over a weekend and finally, while gasping for air he mutates.  His skin turns into a burnt wrinkled mess, and his mutation is complete.  Wade is pissed that he looks like a monster, and also that having survived he’s essentially a slave to the people behind the experiments.  To break away, he sets the place on fire hoping to kill himself and those in the makeshift hospital.  Unfortunately, having mutated, Wade doesn’t die. Instead, he becomes immortal.

With the help of his friend at the bar, he names himself Deadpool, because every superhero needs a cool name and it was the name of the board that showed the names of the assassins that people were betting on to die.  Shortly after, Deadpool makes his costume; a tight red suit, and mask and embraces his new life while searching for Francis; the guy who disfigured him into the burnt mess.  Part of the changes Deadpool makes are his living arrangements.  He moves in with a blind black lady named Al, who misses cocaine and has an apt for putting Ikea furniture together and they become the best of roommates.

After finding Francis, Deadpool almost has him but his X-Men compadres, get in the way of the finish, and he escapes.  So off to plan B, go back home and masturbate.

But Francis, is now on the offensive. Having found out that Wade did not die in the fire, he goes looking for Vanessa to have the upper hand.

You know how this ends.  Wade finds the girl, and then they have amazing sex. About the monsterish face, Vanessa doesn’t care much.  She figures after a few drinks and some time, she’ll look at it as just another face for her to sit on.  Isn’t love grand?!

XOXO Johanny

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