Updated: Jun 3
I whispered to the couple behind me “I thought this was a single’s retreat with sitter services.”
“No hun, it’s a marriage retreat, not enough singles signed up,” said the sweet lady with a southern accent and a look of amusement.
I thanked her for the info, turned around and thought ‘Let the games begin!’
Super awkward to say the least, but in the end, it was a good experience. During those three days, I learned about the love languages. The instructor used the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman to guide the class to identify their particular love language and to connect with their partner’s love language. In my case, I worked this out with my son. Is a good thing I don’t get embarrassed easily, cause I would have been red in the face the whole three days, seeing the couples working on this while I am working it with my pooky boop. But it was worth it; I got to strengthen my mommy and me bond.
After taking the test, I realized that I am an Acts of Service type of person. The instructor told us that often, we show love using our love language because that’s how we express love and if the other person does not use that particular love language, to them the gesture does not mean anything. Once he said that I started to remember all the things that I would do for those that I care for. I understood why when I care for someone, I wanted to do so much for them. Everything made so much sense!
Before knowing about the love languages and how to express and receive love, I would show love the way that I would want to receive it, and that was through Acts of Services. This technique did not work at all. It seemed that all the men I found were either a macho-man or a slob. The macho man would refuse any acts of services because he got it and this refusal would make me feel rejected. On the other end, I would have the slob that would see me as his personal maid. Which will end up overwhelming me and making me feel used and certainly not loved. A lose-lose situation I say, right?
This is why is so important to know and understand the other person’s love language. Without this information, the couple would be lost in translation, or you could end up like me, expressing your love language, expecting the other person to have the same. It’s like going to a foreign country expecting everyone there to speak English. Without identification and understanding of the love languages of the people in the relationship, one could be showing love one way and the other in a different way and in the end no one would feel appreciated! Their love tank will stay empty, what a mess!
Its a good thing that my very close second love language is quality time. With the whole Netflix and chill, this one is very easy to express and to ask for in return, since everyone (for the most part) understands quality/alone time. But I tell you, nothing beats someone doing something for me (cooking, washing dishes, helping me with homework) that would help me with my day or relieve some of my stress. I guess the practical side in me makes me yearn for a helpful partner; someone who happily helps.
“Baby don’t worry, I took care of that for you” are the magic words…I just died writing that.