Testicles in my Paella

I went on another successful date sponsored by match.com.  This one was an impromptu, last minute, sure let’s meet at the bar down the street type of date.  It all started with a message on my match app and then it evolved into a text.  He was funny and light on text and had a cute profile picture that made him the perfect ingredient for a down to earth date and the perfect remedy for my boring Saturday evening.  Out of the blue he asks, “Hey I’m hungry you want to get a bite to eat?”  I looked at myself in the mirror, gage the time left on my last errand of the day and said “yeah sure, as long as is by 7:40 PM.”  

The agreed time gave me two hours to run my errand and come back to get ready.  I looked at my closet and found the perfect outfit that says cute, sexy but not trying too hard.  I Did my makeup in neutral hues with bright pop on my cheeks.  I thought to myself perfect!  Little did I know that this would be the date where I put my foot in my mouth and tell this guy how I don’t like testicles in my Paella.  Yeah, you read that right, that’s what I said.

Throughout the date, I was funny, sexy and kept pushing my girls up to keep it interesting. Soon, the conversation veered to traveling.  He asked me if I liked to travel and boy do I ever! I thought to myself I was going to blow this date out of the water!  Traveling is a subject where I can impress and shine!  So I started to tell him about Barcelona, which is a place that we had in common in our traveling experiences.  In the middle of my fantastic story telling, he interrupts to tell me that he did not like the food there.  This fact made me frown a bit since I thought the food was amazing in Barcelona.  

Seeing my expression change (my emotions are very apparent), he adds, “I did not find the Paella to be that good…”  Again I disagree and frown once again as I’m trying to listen.  

I loved the Paella there! I thought.  So I preceded to tell him about my experience tasting Paella in Barcelona, “The restaurant in front of the Hard Rock Cafe in Barcelona has the best Paella I ever tasted.  The only problem that I had been that, I asked for the one with everything in it.”  

I take a gulp of my wine to wet my throat while I’m getting into my story telling mode.  I  look at him to make eye contact and change my tone to one that is light as I’m about to make a satirical funny (or so I thought)  “I mean I’m adventurous, but not brave enough to eat testicles with my Paella.”  

First a blank stare, then a bit of alarm crossed his eyes.  I then try to explain the joke, and I know by now it’s not going to be funny anymore because I have to explain it.  I say, “You know the arms and legs of an octopus, I had those in my Paella.”  I had meant to say tentacles in my Paella and instead I had said testicles. 

One second, then two, then three and before I take a swig of my wine, I put two and two together, and it dawns on me “I said testicles did I not?!”  The whole bar turned to look at me since I had said it loud enough for all to hear.  

With a look of mortification and horror on my face because not only had, I said testicles to my date but had repeated the word again loud enough for the whole bar to hear, he burst out laughing and said: “Well I can tell, you are not THAT adventurous!”

The laughing was contagious, and I automatically joined his laughter to mine.  It’s ok to laugh at myself I thought and made light that I had made a super big faux pas on my first date.  After the laughter simmer down, I was warned that he will not let this go, and he will remind me later of my non-adventurous side.  Which could only mean….. the second date!  I guess I didn’t blow it that bad!