The 6 Frogs I’ve met on my search for Prince Charming

One little frog, two little frogs, three little frogs, four…

I have kissed plenty of frogs and had yet to find my Prince.  Due to my extensive experience in dealing with these ‘gentlemen’, I have acquired a certain level of knowledge in douchey-frog behavior, and I am going to share with you a few frogs to avoid.

1.  The Intermittent Caller/Texter Frog.  This Froggy’s communication with you is not consistent.  You are not someone he takes seriously.  In his mind, he thinks he can just call you whenever he wants, and you will be there waiting for him.  I have met such a frog.  We had a magnificent first and second date with cute texts in between those dates.  You know, they were the “good morning, beautiful,” “how’s your day going,” texts.  Those written one-on-one pieces of conversation that keep you wanting to see him and continue talking.  Then all of a sudden, after the second date he stopped texting!  I even tried to initiate a cute/funny text one morning and no dice!  So I moved along, I figured he lost interest and moved on, so I kept it going as well.  Then out of the blue, Mr. Mysterious calls again!  Looking at my phone, I was surprised and hesitant to answer.  So when I clicked answer, I asked, “Are you sure you have the right number?”  I thought for sure he had gotten his contacts mixed up and call me by mistake, but he said he was calling for me.  I don’t know if it was the sexy way he laughed and said that it was me he was looking for or if it was because I was feeling a bit lonely that day but he became my kryptonite, and I saw him again.  We drank wine and listened to a live band that night.  The mood was lovely, and we were getting along seamlessly then I leaned over to my right and whispered in his ear “why didn’t you contacted me for three weeks?” He looked at me surprised.  I don’t know if he was taken aback that I confronted him about his radio-silence, that I had put it so plainly or that I had chosen to ruin the mood to ask him, but I needed to know.  He told me that his son had come into town, and he had to take care of him.  I kept that answered in the back of my mind, trying to see if it would add up but it didn’t.  I never heard of a kid that hinders someone from texting.  At the end of that night, I knew that not only the date ended but also the chance for us to continue to get to know one another had ended.

2. The Super-Busy Frog.  For this frog, everything and everyone come before you, you are not his number one or top three or top five priority, you are somewhere at the bottom.  I’m a big believer that you don’t have to be a number one priority for someone, but you should, at least, be at the top of that list.  If you are at the bottom of his priority list, you are just an accessory or an afterthought to him.  You become something to squeeze in his schedule.  

I am attracted to hard working and motivated guys.  I love to hear a guy’s goals and dreams and everything that he’s doing to get there.  It’s something about that conversation that is super sexy to me.  Unfortunately, for me, my super hot, busy frog couldn’t prioritize me into the top of his to-do list.  I became his after-thought.  The honeymoon phase with this frog was super short.  Pretty soon he was drowning in meetings, projects, and even his friends to-do list came before me.  When and if his friends needed him to help them with a housing project, an apartment move, anything, he would drop everything (including me) and go.  At first, I had no problem with this.  I admired his work ethic, and his love and commitment to his friends, but then I started to notice that I was doing more things on my own than with him.  I felt more lonely with him than when I was single.  I talked to him about it, and he tried to add me to his schedule more.  The change worked for a few months but soon his unusual behavior took over, and I saw myself sliding down the list little by little.  My busy frog just had too many things to juggle, and I just squeeze myself out of his life so that I wouldn’t get in the way of that.

3. The Taken Froggy.  You would think this one is common sense, but sometimes we get so blinded in the now and how attracted we are to this one frog that we fail to look past that.  “To know your future, you must know your past” is the first stanza of a poem by Margaret Jang.  I think this is befitting because if we don’t understand where this person comes from, his family ties, his history we won’t know how he would fit into our future.  When someone is taken, either married, engage or in a relationship with someone else, that person is not open to committing to another romantic relationship.  The first frog I met was taken, and I didn’t know any better until a month after being together.  Looking back, I should have left after being told, but I stayed.  In a life that I take pride in having little regrets, this is one of them.  When a relationship starts with a lie it just doesn’t have a chance to prosper and this was one of those things.  The trust was gone, guilt set in and soon it started to eat away at what little we had built up.  In a year, this relationship crumbled.  It could have been that he had lied at the beginning, or that I felt super guilty because he was in a relationship when we got together, or a combination of those two which could cause a great deal of stress on a shaky relationship, but something broke us.  I believe that Karma bit me in the ass in that relationship.

4. The Liar, Liar Pants on Fire Froggy.  This little Froggy would lie or keep things from you, is his way of saying “I don’t respect you” and “I think you are gullible and will believe everything I say.”  Nothing angers me more than someone who thinks they can pull the wool over my eyes.  All of my past Froggies have been a bit of a Pinocchio and the fact is, that we all lie!  If you say you don’t lie, you are probably a liar yourself.  The difference in severity (good lie vs. detrimental lie) is the lie itself and its purpose.  You can tell me “that dress looks beautiful” or “I like those shoes” because you want to leave the store soon.  That’s not hurtful, but when someone lies about crucial topics that are needed to be known to build a relationship, that’s a deal breaker.  

Once, I loved a very special Froggy very much, but he lie to me about something so simple, and it ended up breaking us.  I asked him one Monday what he had done that weekend and instead of telling me he went to a bar, got into a fight and went home, he said he stayed home and chill, which was no big deal.  The lie didn’t bother me at all, but who he told the truth to did. He confided to his ex with everything that had happened that weekend and chose to lie to me.  I couldn’t forgive the emotional deceit.  I felt that I should have been the one he felt comfortable telling the truth to, not someone he had broken up with many moons ago.  When I found out, I blew up on him.  That blowout, was the last blowout we would have and it was also the end of that relationship.

5. The Unattractive Frog.  There is someone for everyone; I believe that, and we are also visual beings that’s how we are initially attracted.  It is through the eyes that we decide first whether we like someone and then through the other senses whether we keep that someone.  When I reached my thirty’s, I thought that I needed to change things up a bit in my dating life because I was on a frog-after-frog rotation.  So I thought I needed to go out with someone whom I was not attracted to and concentrate just on the personality.  I figured love can grow later on, much like the old days with arranged marriages.  But I was wrong, we are in the 21st century now, and that shit doesn’t work.  There was no way around the lack of attraction; I could only see him as a friend; a fun friend to spend time.  I tried hard to grow an attraction for him, but it just did not happen.  So that relationship never got off the ground.

6. The Double-Timing Frog.  This is a typical Frog, and there are many of them out there!  It’s almost as if one has to play Frogger and leap through the road to avoid them.  So be aware, this Frog is sneaky, will lie, keep things from you and will see others while making you think he only sees you.  A long, time ago I fell head over heels for this kind of Froggy.  I just knew he was the one!  He had everything that I was looking for, and I felt loved by him.  Until one day, this lovely lady came to see me and ask if I was seeing Mr. Double-Timing Frog, to which I replied “yes.”  The lovely lady then preceded to tell me very specific details about my Froggy’s penis, his schedule and his go-to moves in the bed.  The whole time she was talking, I was adding in my head all the dates that he was with her which coincided with those dates he was ‘away.’  I had become blinded by love, so blinded that I couldn’t see the signs that this frog was cheating on me.  After I had allowed the bucket of cold water to wash over me, I confronted this froggy in a very heated fashion, to the point that he admitted to cheating.  It’s safe to say I made an impression on him, hopefully enough that he doesn’t do this to someone else.