What I Learned From Watching Love & Hip Hop

Having a few days before classes start again, I’ve been catching up on my shows and discovering new ones.

I have seen previews of Love & Hip Hop and was apprehensive of watching it since it depicts some less than classy moments from the ladies, but when I ran out of things to watch, I gave this show a shot and I was happily entertained.

I love to watch females being empowered, finding strength in their struggles and taking charge of their lives.  I realized while watching this show that we are more similar than different.  Although some of us are not surrounded by the luxurious yet dangerous world of Hip Hop, we are all searching for the same thing, love.

In the show, the women often came into arguments and at times physical altercations over a difference of opinions, yet they all had that one thing in common.  They were looking for love and the assurance of commitment in their relationships.

Looking at their predicament on the TV show, made me realize that the unavailable man is everywhere.  He’s not only the 9-5 guy, the student, the bar attendant, he’s also the business mogul, the hustler, the rapper and any other variation.  

Listening to Kimbella talk in season two about her expectations for her relationship and the reality of it all, made me think about my personal struggle with love.  I have been guilty of going all in a relationship only to be left feeling, even more, single with him than when I was without him.  I have struggled in relationships where I am putting more effort than my partner and at the end of the day it just did not work.  

In one episode Chrissy is telling Emily that she should want to be with a man who makes her feel protected and is loyal to her feelings, their relationship, and their future together.  As soon as I heard this I was yelling “Amen!” at the top of my lungs to the TV screen.  ‘Yes!’ I thought, ‘That’s the type of man I’m looking for!’

A man who is loyal to your feelings will not purposefully hurt you and will go out of his way to ensure you are happy and secure in the relationship.  Loyalty is so important yet; loyalty is what’s overlooked when looking for a mate.  We ladies tend to focus on looks and salary and fail to notice if the man will be as loyal to us as we are to them.

After all, it’s all about having a complimentary equality between the two partners.  

I say complimentary because a relationship works when one compliments the other.  It’s why many say that opposites attract, but what they mean is that one person needs to have what the other lacks.  More often than not two strong personalities will bump heads and not fuse together well unless one tones it down and chooses to compromise.  

Two things that must always be equal is loyalty and love.  These two things are what some of the relationships in Love & Hip Hop were lacking.  The amount and quality of loyalty and love must be the same for both partners.    

When this is disproportionate, it causes the one giving more to feel depleted and fed up after a while.  Honestly,  if you don’t push your partner to give you the love and loyalty you need, you are telling them its ok to treat you subpar, it’s ok to give you less than you deserve.

And that is not ok. XOXO Johanny